God encourages Christians to share their struggles with each other, as seen in Galatians 6:2 and James 5:16. However, is it ever okay to talk about someone else’s issues with another person? Consider leadership teams that need to make decisions about a member’s situation.
What about a lay counselor who is trying to understand a difficult case? Or a friend who knows something serious about another friend but hasn’t gotten permission to share it? Then there are situations where a friend says, “I have something to tell you, but you must promise not to share it with anyone,” or “What I told you was confidential.”
In these cases, it’s important to balance the need for support and guidance with respect for privacy. Open communication is crucial, but so is trust. Each situation may require careful consideration of the context and the potential impact on everyone involved.
What Does the Bible Say About Keeping Secrets
When we view situations through the lens of grace, we often don’t get clear-cut rules on how to act. The Bible emphasizes key principles, with love being the most important. Loving someone isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach; believers need to follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance and develop their discernment. As they grow in understanding, they’ll learn the most loving response for each situation.
On one hand, the Bible strongly warns against gossip. For example, Proverbs 20:19 advises us not to associate with gossips. Other verses, like Romans 1:29 and 2 Corinthians 12:20, differentiate gossip from slander and label it as a sign of a corrupt mind, which is inappropriate for Christians. Similarly, 1 Timothy 5:13 and 2 Thessalonians 3:11 condemn those who meddle in others’ affairs and talk about inappropriate subjects.
On the other hand, several passages highlight the importance of confidentiality. Proverbs 11:13 states that trustworthy people keep secrets, while Proverbs 17:9 suggests that covering up a transgression fosters love, whereas repeating it can damage friendships. Matthew 18:15 encourages addressing a brother’s sin privately, which supports the idea of resolving issues one-on-one.
We’ve all witnessed the damage gossip can inflict: hurt feelings, broken trust, and ruined relationships, creating an atmosphere of fear and mistrust. People may hesitate to share their struggles if they fear their words will be spread around. To foster openness, we must provide a safe space for confidentiality.
However, simply avoiding gossip isn’t enough. While Scripture values confidentiality among friends, it also promotes transparency in certain situations, especially regarding serious sins. Matthew 18:16-17 suggests that if private resolution fails, the matter may need to be made public. Galatians 6:1 states that if someone is “caught in sin,” it should be addressed openly. Likewise, 1 Timothy 5:20 instructs that an elder who continues to sin should be rebuked publicly.
These passages imply that Christians shouldn’t hide their sins from each other. Discussing others’ sins can be necessary for the health of the church community. Biblical leadership suggests that open communication is vital. For instance, 1 Peter 5:1 and similar passages indicate that leaders need to be informed about issues affecting the church’s well-being to shepherd effectively.
It’s essential to uphold confidentiality, even among co-leaders. Sensitive information should remain within the bounds of the conversation. The examples of “Chloe’s people” (1 Corinthians 1:11), Paul’s discussion of Peter’s sin (Galatians 2), and Paul’s mention of Demas’ defection (2 Timothy 4:10) show that careful handling of sensitive information is crucial. This may explain the high character requirements for leaders, who must be trustworthy with such knowledge.
Passages that call for leaders to be “above reproach” (1 Timothy 3; Titus 1) suggest that Christians should speak up if they know a leader is under scrutiny. The metaphors of the church as a body and a family strongly advocate for openness among Christians. Members are impacted by each other’s needs (1 Corinthians 12:26) and should help one another (Romans 12:15), but they can’t do so without knowing about those needs.
Unfortunately, churches has largely mirrored this cultural view of confidentiality. Many churches unintentionally teach their members to isolate themselves to avoid gossip and protect privacy. This strict adherence to confidentiality can lead to a lack of true community and even cover-ups within the church. We’ve seen the damaging consequences of this, as church leaders often encourage silence when members should seek help from an impartial party.
Handling a request for secrecy can be tricky. Here’s a simpler way to think about it:
- Be Cautious with Secrets: Before agreeing to keep someone’s secret, let them know you’ll handle the information carefully. If they share something serious or harmful, consider whether it’s important to talk to someone else about it.
- Assess Serious Confessions: If they confess something sinful or potentially harmful, think about whether it’s serious enough to need further discussion. Encourage them to share with others who can help.
- Clarify Intentions: If they ask for secrecy after revealing something troubling, tell them you didn’t realize it was that serious.
- Encourage Openness: If it seems like they want to hide their wrongdoing, encourage them to be honest and refer them to relevant scriptures that support coming into the light.
- Know When to Share: If the situation involves someone who might be hurt (like a spouse in an affair), give the person a chance to confess first, but make sure they do it.
- Take Their Burden Seriously: If they’re asking you to carry a heavy burden, reassure them that you won’t take it lightly. Challenge them to think about whether others could help as well.
- Be Discreet When Conferring: If you decide to share the information with someone else, do so without mentioning names whenever possible. Stick to the key details that help the other person understand the situation without adding unnecessary information.
Conclusion
By deliberately avoiding gossip, assessing our own hearts, and establishing open community, we may build a healthier and more Christ-centered relationship.
Let us aim to be a community of believers that values love, honesty, and mutual support. By encouraging transparency and tackling gossip, we may build a lively and thriving community that reflects Christ’s love.
