As a Christian Counselor, I often get questions about God’s intentions for marriage and when divorce might be acceptable. Before we look into what does the Bible say about marriage separation, let’s first understand God’s plan for marriage.
God created us in His image, meaning we share some of His characteristics, such as love, mercy, justice, self-awareness, compassion, grace, honor, and faithfulness. However, only God is perfect in these traits. Our ability to reflect His perfect love, justice, and compassion is affected by sin.
The sin of Adam broke the image of God within us, making it impossible for us to fix it on our own. In Christianity, sin is more than just doing wrong; it’s a rebellion against God, who sustains all life. The only way to repair the damage caused by sin, which entered the world in Genesis 3, is through a miracle from God.
This miracle happened when God sent His only Son to take on the punishment for our sins. Through this act, God showed both mercy and justice at the same time on the cross. Ephesians 4:24 and Colossians 3:10 remind us that by accepting Jesus’ sacrifice, we can embrace a new self that allows us to pursue true righteousness and holiness.
I find it beautiful that the concept of being made in God’s image in Genesis 1:27 is immediately followed by a description of the relationship between a man and a woman. God is relational, and part of reflecting His image is living out the deep connection between spouses.
It’s also noteworthy that just as God exists in diversity as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, humanity reflects diversity through gender. However, we must remember that there are aspects of God’s nature that we do not share; humans are not self-existent, all-powerful, or all-knowing like God is.
What Does the Bible Say About Marriage Separation
Genesis 2:24
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
This foundational verse establishes the divine intention for marriage as a union where two individuals become one entity. The emphasis on leaving one’s family signifies a commitment to prioritize the marital relationship above all others.
Matthew 19:6
“So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
In this passage, Jesus reaffirms the sanctity of marriage by stating that it is God who unites couples. This underscores the seriousness of marital vows and suggests that separation should not be taken lightly.
Malachi 2:16
“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence,” says the Lord of hosts. “So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
Here, God expresses His disdain for divorce, indicating that it disrupts His intended design for marriage. This verse serves as a warning against infidelity and encourages couples to remain faithful.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
“To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.”
Paul provides guidance on separation within marriage while emphasizing reconciliation as an ideal outcome. This passage acknowledges that separation may occur but stresses that it should not lead to remarriage unless reconciliation is impossible.
Ephesians 5:31-33
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
This passage highlights both the physical union of marriage and its spiritual significance as a reflection of Christ’s relationship with His church. It reinforces the idea that marriage is sacred and meant to endure.
Romans 7:2-3
“For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive.”
Paul discusses marital fidelity here by explaining that marriage creates a binding covenant until death separates partners. This illustrates how serious God views marital commitments.
Colossians 3:19
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
This instruction emphasizes mutual respect within marriage; husbands are called to love their wives tenderly rather than harshly or abusively. Such treatment fosters an environment where separation may be less likely.
1 Peter 3:7
“Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel.”
Peter encourages husbands to treat their wives with understanding and honor—qualities essential for maintaining harmony in a marital relationship.
Matthew 5:32
“But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except on the ground of sexual immorality makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Jesus addresses divorce here by highlighting sexual immorality as a legitimate reason for separation while warning against unjustified divorces leading to further sin.
Hebrews 13:4
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
This verse calls for respect towards marriage as an institution ordained by God while warning against behaviors that can lead to its degradation.
In the marital relationship, the husband is not a power-hungry dictator, but a person that is in a relationship with his wife for purpose of leadership and responsibility. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and even die for her if required just as Christ died for us. This relationship is akin to Christ and the Church as in a Lover and Beloved.
If a wife has a disagreement with her husband about a core matter it is wise to seek spiritual wisdom from an objective third party like a Christian Counselor. A wife is called to follow God’s laws even when it contradicts a man’s wishes. A man has a great responsibility before God to treat his wife with love, kindness, and dignity. Husbands are given quite the high standard of Christ himself in the way the Bible commands husbands to treat their wives.
Another distinctive I love about this passage is that husbands are called to love their wives and wives are called to respect their husbands. What a picture of unity in diversity! As part of God’s design, husbands have an inherent need to be respected and wives have a need to be loved. Both are equally important.
Also, in some sense, a wife respecting the husband involves loving the husband and a husband loving a wife involves respecting the wife. In many ways, love and respect are two sides of the same coin. The martial union needs to understand and complement the unique ways a husband’s and a wife’s needs are met.
Separation and Restoration According to the Bible
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 states that married people should not separate. If a wife does leave her husband, she should either stay single or try to reconcile with him. Similarly, a husband should not leave his wife. This shows that separation is a serious matter and should be avoided when possible. However, there are times when it may be necessary. In such cases, the focus should be on reconciling the marriage rather than seeking a new partner.
1 Corinthians 7:5 advises that couples should not deny each other sexual intimacy unless both agree to pause it for a limited time to dedicate themselves to prayer.
If a Therapeutic Separation is an option, it can be beneficial. This kind of separation is mutual and aligns with the guidance in 1 Corinthians. Incorporating a 90-day detox during this time can enhance the process.
However, if one spouse is unwilling to work on the marriage and remains unrepentant, 1 Corinthians 5 suggests that separation is not only acceptable but may be what God wants us to do. Similarly, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 warns against partnering with unbelievers, emphasizing that believers should separate from those who do not share their faith.
